she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I need moral support for this bender
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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