dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
