Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
