I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and she was petting her beer can
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
