Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
sex in a hospital.. check
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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