literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i love accidental penises.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
