umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
