I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
