ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
