It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
