can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
