So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
