i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
