the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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