I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
