The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
