A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize