Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
