I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize