we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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