We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
