He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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