My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
