i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
