Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
