these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
