Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
