saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
