God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
