just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
