sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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