you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
