mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
