Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Enjoy the penises
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just puked most of my soul out..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize