I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
