lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
