I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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