Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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