I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
