Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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