I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Are my feet made of real feet?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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