just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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