Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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