new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize