last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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