i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
