My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
