Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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