My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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