I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
