No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
