i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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