in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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