Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
