There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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