My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize