Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
