I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
