Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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