I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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