How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
