please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
