he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
