why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
