I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
