honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
