A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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