I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
