My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
