why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
