Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
