Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
