he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize