So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
