Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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