I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
